I’m smack-dab in the middle of mindset coach training and I’ve hit a block. It’s kind of like writer’s block but rather than inhibiting my export it’s put the brakes on my import. It’s as though my brain has shut down and said “nope, you are at your maximum capacity of learning how to help others because you have not taken care of yourself!” So I’ve had to sit with it and wonder what more could I do. I’m exercising, journaling, meditating when I can. Hyrdrating, trying to eat better, communicating my feelings ad nauseum, what more is needed? And then it hits me… I can’t learn any more until I learn to unlearn. I can’t help other people overcome their limiting beliefs until I confront mine…great. So here goes.
First things first what is a limiting belief? They are false narratives inside our head that prevent us from reaching our goals, like a subconscious self sabotage. For instance “I’m going to fail like I always do so why try?” It’s like your own internal rival, chirping at you from the bench (I’m impressed I got a sports analogy in here since I’m so not a fan!)
Being a highly anxious person I have lots of internal chatter going on so it’s a challenge to pinpoint what the limiting beliefs actually are for me as they can get drowned out by the overthinking and doom rehearsing. I had to take a lot of deep breaths to do a deep dive. I discovered my number one limiting belief is (drumroll) “I don’t fit in…anywhere” This might not seem major, but it is.
My whole life I have that incessant feeling like I’ve missed the memo. Like I’m late to the party and brought balloons when everyone else brought cake. I have a distinct memory of having this exact feeling on grade 4 picture day. We had just moved from Ottawa to Toronto. In Ottawa the kids went all out on picture day. So I show up for my Toronto picture day in a blue satin dress, frilly ankle socks and crimped hair (it was 1988 okay) only to find out everyone in Toronto wore Roots sweatshirts and jeans. At that moment I wished for a rogue meteor to hit my school but instead I smiled big and cried even bigger back at home.
Fast forward thirty-two years and the belief still lingers. Whether it’s with friends or at work I find I hold back from opening up and speaking my mind. Or when I do speak up it’s either out of panic that I have to say something or I second guess myself and try to dial it back with an awkward joke or unnecessary apologies. The persistent story I tell myself is that I’ll never be one of the “cool kids.”
This whole belief limits excelling at work or increasing the quality of friendships. When you’re busy projecting your own insecurities onto others perceived beliefs in you, it’s hard to be open to growth, success or real connection.
How to I move forward? I’m working on remembering a few things:
People aren’t thinking of you as much as you think they are
The perceived bar of fitting in or “coolness” is being set by you
Everyone feels awkward sometimes, it’s part of being human
Your mom probably thinks you’re cool
Time to add unlearning limiting beliefs to my self care routine so I can move forward in helping others in more ways than just writing here and taking filtered selfies.