October is Mental Health Awareness Month in Canada, and the perfect time to discuss my own personal attachment to the cause. I know this isn’t an original story since 1 in 5 Canadians will struggle with their mental wellness at some point, so bear with me.
I have always been a highly anxious person, pretty much from birth. It wasn’t until this year though, that I could put a clinical name to it – Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Diagnosis’ like these weren’t something that I knew of growing up. Back then, mental illness didn’t happen to real people, only fictionalized characters in movies and books. Romanticized as moody melancholia.
My anxiety was mostly manageable, but in the unmanageable times I was tested for and diagnosed with everything but anxiety – Vitamin Deficiency, Inner Ear Virus, Ulcers, Anemia, Hyperglycemia, Heart Murmur, and so on.
I came up with my own coping skills – talking loudly and a lot to drown out the overthinking, biting my nails, tapping my feet, pulling out strands of hair, grinding my teeth, over eating, drinking and surrounding myself with positive quotes to remind myself that “I got this” when I definitely didn’t have it. I didn’t even know what “it” was.
Then came 2020. My favourite quote of the year has been ” Welcome to 2020, if you don’t already have an anxiety disorder, one will be assigned to you.” Yeah, not doubt. For me it was the proverbial final straw. Somewhere between managing work from home and a workload that somehow tripled during the pandemic, coordinating virtual school for two boys with varying degrees of need, worrying about family living across the country and losing my in person connection to my support system, I completely unravelled. Anxiety wrecked my body with daily attacks and just getting out of bed became almost impossible.
As an adult, I never bought into the stigma. I regularly advocated for friends and family who struggled with their own mental health and was vocal for treating it the same as you would any physical ailment. Mental Health/Physical Health – Potayyto/Potahhhto. But when it came to taking care of myself I was embarrassed. “I’m stronger than this, suck it up, first world problems” I would tell myself over and over again. Surprisingly it only got worse (sarcasm). I finally reached out to my doctor and after a deserved scolding for taking so long to come to her, we worked out a treatment plan that I’m happy to say is going swimmingly.
The only thing I’m embarrassed about now is not addressing it sooner. As I’m starting to feel more like myself now than ever I regret not being honest about how much I was struggling. It’s like I had a broken arm for 30 some years and just thought to myself “shake it off, just use your other arm!” Ridiculous!
The purpose of this post is a reminder to everyone, myself included, that taking care of your mental wellness is just as important as your physical health – for serious (random Zoolander reference) There are supports and options out there, you just have to be willing to ask for help.